19 Home Sweet Home

Sometimes you don’t realize how much you love someone until you are away from them for about five months.  That is how I felt about my family while I was away for this first semester of college.  While college is going great and I’m making new friends and memories everyday, I keep finding the desire to have my family there to share in the good times.  All of this built up desire is what made December 12, 2008 such a great day.

Stepping off that train and onto the platform was quite the relief.  I had wanted to get back to Albany for weeks now with finals and term papers running through my head.  Getting back to Mordella road with Joe and Jan, Mom and Dad, meatballs and even Brendan waiting for me seemed to erase all the long stressful nights in the library.  I forgot about the final I had taken just twenty-four hours earlier and my only concern became hugs. 

That’s how our family works; no matter if you’ve been gone for five months or five hours you can count on a hug from somebody when you return.  Whether you are being congratulated on your new son or daughter or whether you are mourning the loss of a family member; you will get a hug.  As I walked through the kitchen at Joe and Jan’s I could smell forty eight years of cooking, feel the warmth of each family member’s love and even sit down and taste another one of Papa Joe’s meatballs.  I love this family with everything inside me and I’m blessed to have them in my life.  Now if you would excuse me, I have some hugs to attend to.

18 Steve Comes Out

On October 17^th, 1992, Steve made a surprise visit to Joe and Jan’s house.  At the time, Steve was living in Long Island and he would stop up to Albany unannounced whenever he had the time.  This time Steve seemed distanced from his parents and had something running through his mind.  Joe and Jan, being the parents that they are, sensed something troubling him.  Jan was afraid he might have lost his job while Joe thought he might have gotten a girl pregnant.  Joe recalls, “Little did I know how far from the truth my worries were.”

Finally, as Joe and Jan sat down after finishing a batch of meatballs, Steve felt it was the right time to break the news.  Steve simply put it, ”Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you, I’m gay.”  Joe and Jan’s immediate reaction was to embrace him with all the emotions they had in them.  What they didn’t know was that he had left his bags in the car thinking they wouldn’t allow him to stay in their home.  Joe recalls the guilt he felt, “Where did we go wrong? Didn’t we let Steve know how much we loved him?  Did we ever do anything to lead him to believe we would ever stop loving him?”

This love grew stronger than ever as Joe and Jan gave Steve their full support.  This was especially unique coming from Joe.  He recalls what Steve has done for him, “He has shown me that a man of 71with his macho Italian upbringing, a man who normally has his opinions cast in stone, can become a tolerant, giving, understanding human being.”  This morph from the “mild homophobe” that Joe referred to himself as during the 1960’s to the proud father of a gay son that we know today tell us a lot about the kind of father and man Joe is.  He would do anything for his children and grandchildren and he certainly wouldn’t allow any opinions get in the way of their bond.

16 Donna and Tim Start a Family

My parents, Tim and Donna Murphy, had their wedding on September 26th, 1987 at St. Patrick’s Roman Catholic Church in Watervliet, New York. They had met while working at Federal Express a few years before their engagement. My father recalls asking my grandfather for permission to marry his daughter. Joe’s timely response was, “Sure... which one?” My father was immediately introduced to Joe’s notorious sense of humor. Another unique memory that my father had of his future in-laws occurred at a dinner at the Basile residence while he and my mother were dating. He recalls seeing a portrait of a meatball sub on the wall in the dining room. My father knew the Basiles owned a sub shop but, until this moment, he did not understand the magnitude of passion for food that the Basiles shared.
After the wedding, my parents took their honeymoon in Ireland. While many newly-weds usually go to a tropical resort or cruise, my parents both had a passion for the Irish culture and felt it was more beautiful than any sandy beach in the world. They promised each other that after they made a family they would one day take them back and give them the Irish experience. Sure enough, just over twenty one years after their first visit, the my parent’s were back with my brothers and I.

17 The Grandchildren

July 30th, 1988 marked the beginning of the final generation of the Basile Family with the birth of my older brother Tim. The grandchildren that came to follow were Meghan, myself, Brendan, Teddy, and Andy. Much like Joe and Jan, the parents’ generation were fortunate enough to send all of their children to private middle and junior high schools. Another aspect that followed through the generations was the Baptism and practice of Catholicism by each of the grandchildren. This example shows how certain family values are handed down through generations.
There remains a strong connection to Christian Brothers Academy in the academic careers of the grandchildren. Tim and myself have already graduated from the academy while Brendan and Teddy currently attend. Andy is attending St. Pius X school where all of the other nephews also graduated from. Meghan went to Christ the King Junior High School and then Colonie Central High school. She is currently attending the State University of New York at Oneonta. Tim is currently attending Manhattan College and I am attending St. John Fisher College. Again, a strong private and religious influence remains in the selection of schools for both generations.

All three generations of the Basiles get together for dinners at Joe and Jan’s house a couple times a month. All of the grand parents and parents eat at the dining room while the children eat at the kitchen table. Having so many family members makes it harder to have everyone in attendance at these events. The only day throughout the year when all of the Basiles are under one roof are at the Christmas dinner. The Christmas dinner is the only mandatory family function in the Basile family.

14 Fashion and Culture of the 1960s and 1970s

Along with the political and social changes in American culture during the 1960s came a music and fashion lifestyle that drastically differs from that of the average American in the 1950s. The 1960s brought the sudden explosion of drug and alcohol abuse. While the Basiles had never had any problem with such abuse in their own children, it was popular for young Americans to use drugs that include marijuana, LSD (acid), cocaine and heroin. My mother, Donna, believes her lack of exposure to such drugs is mostly due to her attendance at a private Catholic school her entire life. Her and her siblings have heard of such drug use from their friends that attend public school but very rarely at their own. Joe and Jan’s biggest concern with such abuse was with the use of cigarettes and binge drinking. They would award their children one hundred dollars of they didn’t smoke one cigarette until they were eighteen. It just so happens that my mother, Donna, was the only child to got caught sneaking a cigarette.

Fashion during this era involved radical changes, patterns, colors and styles. Woman’s fashion gradually shifted from very short skirts to very long skirts from the late 1960s to the mid 1970s. Men began wearing opened collared shirts and both genders began to wear platform shoes and boots. Both the drug use and sudden fashion shift have a direct correlation with the musical culture during that time. After the “British Invasion” of many popular rock bands from England, Americans began using them as models for clothes, habits and social norms.

15 The Affects of Vatican II

Joe and Jan wanted to provide a religious aspect to their children’s lives but putting them through Catholic school, always attending Sunday Mass, and being involved at Blessed Sacrament Church in Albany, New York. Being a family that always practiced religious sacraments and Masses, it can easily be understood why the Second Ecumenical Council of the Vatican, or Vatican II was such a big change for the Basiles. Vatican II was an event lead by the Pope that called for change in the church. Some examples of these changes included the priest saying the Mass in the native language of the people attending and the entire alter is now faced towards the pews. These changes were made in the celebration of Mass to allow the people attending to become more involved and better understand what is being done on the altar.

Having such a change occur in a religious community can produce varying responses amongst practicing believers. Some people who opposed Vatican II believed that making such changes pulled the Church away from its historic and ancient ideals. As for the people who supported the change, they felt that it was necessary in allowing the practicing believers to become more involved in the Mass. It is more popular to see the younger generation, like Joe and Jan’s children for example, become more accepting of this change because they were barely exposed to the traditional form of Mass therefore never creating a sense of connection.

13 Big Dom's Sub Shop

In 1972, Joe bought thirty-five percent of his brother Dom’s sub shop that came to be known as “Big Dom’s”. At that time it was located on Ontario St. in Albany, New York. After Joe became a part owner, he mastered the expansion of the business into five more locations before 1980, starting on Central Ave. in Albany (1972), then Latham (1975), Troy (1976), Western Ave. in Albany (1977) and finally one in Rotterdam (1978). These sub shops became a part of the Albany culinary culture and each family member had to do their share to help the family business. Every one of Joe and Jan’s kids and even some of their friends had a part time job at one of the “Big Dom’s” at one point or another.
Joe says that he could use all the help he could get. Owning six shops across Albany County is very difficult with only an average of one hundred and thirty full time employees and about another hundred part time employees. Joe recalls the most challenging part of the business was maintaining control of each location with such a slim amount of employees. Although there was a chaotic and tough time while during the company’s expansion period, Joe knows that it was well work it. Due to him and Jan’s hard work, they could afford to send all of their kids to private high schools and colleges. This was very rare in that era and Joe knows he was a little more fortunate than the average American family at that time.